The Onion Announces It’s for Sale, Then Admits:  It Was All a Joke!

Office fight

Bankers weren’t happy to hear there was no fee to be found at the Onion’s office.

Bloomberg News reported last week that satirical news site the Onion had retained a financial advisor in preparation for a possible sale of the business.  But when investment bankers from GCA Savvian showed up at the Onion’s offices last Friday afternoon, no one was expecting them.  When asked about the misunderstanding, Onion spokesman Anil Shitole was candid:

“As the company spokesman, I really don’t know what to say.  We figured people would know it was a joke.  I mean, that’s what the Onion does.  And who is GCA Savvian anyway?”

An overworked, confused, and infuriated associate from GCA Savvian felt the joke was on him:

Yeah, very funny, Onion.  I pulled two all nighters in a row for this stupid, non-existent project.  I had three Twix bars and a six pack of Diet Coke for dinner last night.  And you know what really makes me mad about this whole fiasco?  I was so focused on this clustershow that I forgot to take Anthony Dixon out of my fantasy line up before Thursday night’s game.”

Initially, the bankers held their ground and refused to leave.  An irritated Shitole told Bud Fox News:

“It was touch and go there for a minute.  We just didn’t speak their language.  At first, we couldn’t even figure out what they were saying.  They kept talking about ‘unlocking value’ and ‘going open kimono.’  When they realized we weren’t hiring them, things got really nasty.  We had to call security.”

Iva Cocke, Professor of Rhetoric & Communications at Northern Southwestern Indiana Normal School and Business Institute, who has written extensively about corporate communications on Wall Street, said there was a lesson to be learned from this incident:

“Investment bankers have no sense of humor.”


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