New Jersey State Prison: The likely home to some recent, and future, Rutgers football recruits. (Photo: http://www.wikipedia.com)

Having sold its academic soul to pursue big-time television contract money when it decided to join the Big Ten conference, whose network eases the guilty conscience of each school’s president with as much as $25 million a year, Rutgers, who lost to Penn State on Saturday 28-3, now needs to hire a public relations firm to deal with the ugly aftermath of its decision. According to an article on Forbes.com:

In the last [month], seven players have been arrested. Four, including Barnwell [BFN: felicitous first name of Nadir], are charged with aggravated assault and two face armed robbery charges in connection with home invasions during April and May. The seventh player, wide receiver Leonte Carroo, is accused of slamming a woman’s head into concrete outside the Rutgers football facility. [BFN: In addition, head coach Kyle Flood has been suspended three games and fined $50,000 for improperly contacting a professor about a player’s grade.]

These arrests aren’t the result of scholar-athletes getting a bit carried away after the big game; there’s no drunk in public or public urination here, not even a DUI. On the plus side for damn-the-consequences Rutgers sports fans, the seriousness of the charges shows that the school is making a sincere effort to recruit the type of law breakers who play football and masquerade as students at the most successful college football programs (this list of “most arrested” school teams reads like a perennial top 25).

Recognizing that violent criminals often make great football players but also trying to give second chances to those who have paid their debts to society, Rutgers will fill the seven roster vacancies by creating a Football Apprenticeship Release Timetable program (“FART”) for violent but trusted felons at the New Jersey State Prison in Trenton. The program, similar to one at Florida State, will allow prisoners to leave confinement for practice and games but not to attend class (since class attendance is optional and actually discouraged at most top football schools). Continue reading →

The Pope has described the play of last year’s Knicks as “sinful.”  (Photo: unamsanctamcatholicam.blogspot.com)

On Tuesday, June 30, the Vatican released a detailed schedule of the Pope’s upcoming visit to the United States, which will include a stop in New York City. The Vatican’s press release indicated that the leader of the Catholic Church will celebrate mass at Madison Square Garden on Friday, September 25, a venue that’s a bit of a papal departure since Popes Benedict and John Paul II opted for the larger Yankee Stadium. NYC fans of good music are hoping that the MSG Papal Mass is intended as an exorcism of sorts and will permanently expel from the premises Billy Joel, who has been defiling the arena monthly with his ungodly bad, melodramatic fare with no end in sight (tone deaf local press use the oxymoron “artist in residence” to describe the tympanum-offending arrangement).

Today the Vatican leaked why Pope Francis chose the home court of the New York Knicks for his largest NYC mass: He will meet with Phil Jackson afterward to give the Zen Master advice on how to turn around the ailing franchise, whose play last year the Pope has described as “sinful” and “a disgrace to the 2nd largest Catholic diocese in the US.”

A source within the Vatican told the sports desk at Bud Fox News: Continue reading →

To be held in 2018, the inaugural World Cup Beauty Pageant will be emceed by…Bill Clinton.   (Photo: Powerlineblog.com)

It is a match made in corruption heaven: The laughably venal and hopelessly conflicted Clinton Foundation took a break today from soliciting bribes to announce that it will assume control of FIFA, one of the few international entities that might rival Bill and Hillary’s cash machine with respect to its complete and utter lack of shame.

This past weekend, in attempt to save the scandal-plagued governing body of international soccer, the United Nations (whose “Human Rights” Council includes the following freedom-loving Arcadias: Venezuela, United Arab Emirates, Saudi Arabia, Russia, Pakistan, Kuwait, Cuba and China) intervened in FIFA’s unraveling nightmare and made the appointment. The UN disclosed earlier today that the Clinton Foundation beat out a Colombian drug cartel in a close vote.

Quite naturally, Hillary Clinton was not available for comment on the announcement because ever since she was thoughtful enough to have saved the Obama administration time and taxpayer money by deleting all her innocuous State Department emails, she speaks only with press members who semi-secretly work for her campaign, a consideration that must be true because even the Huffington Post has acknowledged it.

On the other hand, Bill Clinton, who with each passing day becomes more a cross between the bullshit-spouting Foghorn Leghorn of cartoon fame and the bumbling and completely unethical Boss Hogg from The Dukes of Hazzard, couldn’t resist an opportunity to respond when asked for more detail by a bosom-heaving, mini-skirted reporter who looked more like a Vivid girl than a journalist. In the spirit of his middle-finger-brandishing “ha ha, catch me if you can” interview with Bloomberg News, the former president explained: Continue reading →