He is known for having a big mouth. He appears to be suffering the consequences of an even bigger appetite. And in the face of personal all-time low approval ratings and his state’s nine credit rating downgrades, his presidential aspirations seem the biggest of pipe dreams. In what can only be viewed as a desperate bid for non-Bridgegate-related media attention while trying to stay relevant in the Republican presidential primary conversation, the New Jersey Governor, known back in his early teen years as “Chicken Bone” Christie for how quickly he could gnaw down a chicken bone to nothing more than a splinter, has announced that he will participate in the annual Nathan’s Hot Dog Eating Contest, held every July 4th on Coney Island, NY. Last year, Joey Chestnut, indisputably the Lebron James of the competitive eating circuit, ate 61 dogs in 10 minutes to win the Mustard Belt for the eighth consecutive year. If Christie or legitimate challenger Matt “Megatoad” Stonie, who played Mantle to Chestnut’s Maris last year by ingesting 56 dogs in a battle royal that competitive eating fans still haven’t stopped analyzing, can’t beat him this summer, then Chestnut will have collected a whopping nine Mustard Belts, a herculean achievement certainly comparable (or perhaps superior given the individual nature of Chestnut’s potential exploit) to the nine World Series rings Joe DiMaggio won with the New York Yankees.
Anthony Cacciatore, 47, of Bayonne, NJ, who recently attended a Republican fundraiser where he saw Christie in action, thinks the governor has a good shot at taking down Chestnut:
Are you kidding me? Not for nuthin’, but you should have seen him at the fundraiser dinner. The guy inhaled three calzones before I could bat an eye. Then Ba-BOOM, he wolfed down a tiramisu AND a tartufo in like five seconds. I was like, ‘Whoa, gov, don’t eat those long white things, they’re your fingers.’ I don’t think Chestnut realizes what he’s up against here. As far as competitive eating, the governor looks like a natural athlete. Fuhgeddaboutit.
When asked to comment on Christie’s announcement, Anil Shitole, Professor of Political Science at Sharpton University and Director of the Al Gore Institute of Presidential Election Projection, told Bud Fox News:
This might be a pretty smart move on Christie’s part. His talking about the Common Core is small beer; it just won’t move the needle. This is more like it. I don’t think he needs to win; I just think he needs to put up a good number, say, 45-50 dogs. If he does that, it won’t just be Joey Chestnut taking him seriously.
There’s a Republican barbecue fundraiser next week in Ewing, New Jersey, that would be good practice for Christie, so if you’re going and want a hot dog, I suggest you get there early.