Michelle Obama to Star in Remake of Memento

Target

Michelle Obama in Target: Does she remember what really happened?

The Sony hack may have spoiled the surprise of the First Lady’s budding movie career.  Bud Fox News has learned that among the studio’s leaked documents are emails from a top movie producer discussing Michelle Obama’s star turn in an upcoming role-reversal remake of Memento, a thriller released in 2000 about a man with no short-term memory who is searching for his wife’s killer.  And if the First Couple’s recent interview with People magazine (to be published this Friday) is any indication, Mrs. Obama must be a method actress already in character because her memory seems to be playing tricks on her.  In the interview, according to ABC News, Mrs.Obama asserted that living in the White House has not completely shielded her from racial slights: Continue reading

Eddie Lampert’s Sears Takes Aim at Target

Sears Holdings (ticker SHLD) today announced that it has made an offer to buy Target (ticker TGT) for $55 per share, which represents a baffling 12% discount to Target’s current price.  Given that Sears goes through cash the way Charlie Sheen goes through call girls, it’s entirely unclear how Sears will finance this transaction.  With respect to the source of funds, Sears CEO Ed Lampert, whose early-career stock-picking prowess has now been completely eclipsed by his destruction of an American retail icon, said, “If I can sweet-talk a bunch of kidnapping thugs, then I’ll have Brian Cornell [Target CEO] begging to be a check-out girl.”  When asked about the curious discount on his offer price, Lampert blithely remarked, “Sears is the Goldman Sachs of the department store sector, and I’m sure that Target’s board will recognize that the chance to become associated with Sears/K-Mart justifies a small discount to the purchase price.”  Lampert explicitly stated that he will change all Target stores to the K-Mart nameplate.  Lampert worked at Goldman earlier in his career. Continue reading