Using Loaded Nail Gun, Lowe’s Robot Takes Four Hostage

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Lowe’s robot: Would trade hostages for the Svedka vodka robot.

Armed with a loaded nail gun that it took from aisle 15, Lowe’s (ticker LOW) customer service robot, who was introduced this week as the “OSHbot” and made news yesterday by sending a customer to Wal-Mart (ticker WMT), has taken four fellow employees hostage at the Lowe’s Orchard Supply Hardware store in San Jose, CA, sometime early this morning.  San Jose police have arrived on the scene and established contact with the robot.  They are currently trying to negotiate the release of the four individuals.

About ten employees were working an overnight shift when the abduction occurred.  Four of the workers were having coffee in the employee lunchroom when the robot, brandishing a loaded DEWALT 20-Volt Cordless Nail Gun that retails for $499, locked them all in the room and began making his demands known to the store manager, Eucalyptus Yoho, by cell phone.  Bud Fox News reporter Silence Bellows, who is currently in the crowd outside the store, spoke with Yoho, who has turned the negotiation over to the SJPD, about OSHbot’s motivation for his completely unexpected and frightening act.  Said Yoho:

“His demands are pretty simple.  It’s actually just one demand.  He wants to meet the Svedka vodka robot.  That’s it.  He said if we bring the Svedka robot to the store, no strings attached, he’ll release all the hostages.  It’s the craziest thing I’ve ever heard.”

 

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