New York City Mayor Bill “Sandinista!” de Blasio just completed a baffling bit of home improvement to the mayor’s official residence. According to the New York Post:
Mayor Bill de Blasio, a self-declared progressive “man of the people,” has erected a massive new “privacy fence” to keep his constituents from looking in on Gracie Mansion.
There are at least two competing theories for why the mayor put up the fence. According to the same Post article, there’s speculation that de Blasio “…demanded the extension because he was sick of nosy people in Carl Schurz Park peeping in while he hung out in the yard.” The New York Daily News, however, suggests that the mayor’s security chief lobbied for the new addition “in the wake of White House fence jumpers.” That the Daily News was actually willing to print such an explanation suggests that the newspaper is actually the marketing arm of the de Blasio administration.
Obviously, neither explanation is correct. Charles Faux-Pas Bidet, Professor of History at Staten Island’s Dyke College and author of New York: A Cesspool, who is considered by many to be the authority on all things mayoral in NYC, revealed to Bud Fox News the real reason for the fence:
Al Sharpton is now living at Gracie Mansion, and de Blasio doesn’t want anyone to know it. He’s taken the place completely over. De Blasio stops by once a week to take care of the dirty laundry.