From the Loony Bin…

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Obama smoking

Smoke ’em if you got ’em!

Some of the Daily Drivel:

Despite Never Having Ridden a Motorcycle, Tiger Woods Inks Endorsement Deal with Hero MotoCorp

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Woods on Hero bike

Tiger Woods’ latest ad campaign:  Ride a motorcycle not a cocktail waitress!

Although he’s never ridden a motorcycle, Tiger Woods announced this week that he’s signed a four-year endorsement contract with Hero MotoCorp Ltd. (ticker HMCL:IN), India’s largest motorcycle manufacturer.  Woods’ relationship with Hero went public back in September when the company announced that it had agreed to sponsor this week’s World Challenge tournament at Orlando, Florida’s Isleworth Golf & Country Club. The event has an 18-player field and benefits Woods’s charitable foundation.

In a sign that he might not know Woods well, Hero CEO Pawan Munjal issued this statement about his company’s first global corporate endorser:

“…not just a golfing champion and an icon for millions around the world; he is indeed a phenomenon -– a symbol of humility in victory and grace in adversity.” Continue reading →

“Net Net”:  Financial Expression of the Day

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Breaking bad

Like Heisenberg, the i-banker wants to know the net net: Are we gonna do a deal?

“Net net,” noun phrase, the ultimate result or outcome; also adverbial phrase, in summary.  Usage note:  Because this term can be employed as either a noun or an adverb, one hears it fairly often in the financial field, which is unfortunate because its utterance is about as annoying as stepping in dog turd.  It’s obnoxious because the user of the term often seems to be implying that he has no interest in hearing the current speaker’s full message because the former is too busy, intelligent, and important for such silliness.  Someone asking for the “net net” frequently means:  “Spare me all your windbaggery and just give me the bottom line.” Continue reading →

From the Loony Bin…

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A couple of days’ worth of the Daily Drivel:

trumphair

This news is hair-raising.

From the Loony bin…

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Lock these people up.

Lock these people up.

Bud’s Round-up of Daily Drivel:

NY Yankees Hire David Copperfield as New Hitting Coach

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copperfield fire

Copperfield shown here using the “fire trick” to fool Mark Teixeira into doing the impossible- hitting to the opposite field.

TAMPA, Fl. — Thwack!  The sound of a solidly hit baseball reverberated in the area behind home plate at George Steinbrenner Field in Tampa.  Yankees general manager Brian Cashman smiled and excitedly said, “Look at that.  We’re already getting our money’s worth.  Mark Teixeira hitting the ball hard to the opposite field.  That’s magic.  I haven’t seen that in at least half a decade.”  Teixeira, hitting from the left-hand-side, appeared as shocked as Cashman at his hard hit liner over short.  Meanwhile, a black-clad David Copperfield, eyes closed, chanting in what sounded like an ancient foreign language while swinging an incense-containing thurible from a chain, slowly began to circle the oft-injured Yankee first baseman.  Teixeira, although visibly nervous, made clear to all that he’s willing to go along:  “You think he can cure my wrist, knee, oblique, hamstring and make the dizziness go away too?” Continue reading →

From the Loony Bin…

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Lock these people up.

Lock these people up.

Bud’s Round-Up of Daily Drivel

CalPERS pulls out of Hedge Funds: Paul Singer Whines “We Just Don’t Understand!”

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What do Hedge Funds and Toddlers have in common?

What do Hedge Funds and Toddlers have in common?

Back in September, CalPERS (California Public Employees’ Retirement System) the country’s largest public pension fund decided to pull out of all hedge fund investments.  The reason: fees are too high to justify the returns generated.  The decision has some hedge fund managers worried, and others crying.  Although CalPERS had only allocated about $4 billion to direct hedge fund investments, the fund is considered a bellwether for other public pension funds and endowments.  At about $300 billion of total assets under management, when CalPERS talks, people listen.

One of the people listening was Paul Singer, head of hedge fund Elliot Management.  In a recent letter to investors, Paul threw a bit of a tantrum about CalPERS decision and sounded like a cry-baby toddler when his friend takes the toys and goes home.  Singer called the CalPERS decision “off base” and betrayed his lack of understanding of fiduciary duty for public funds saying  “We… never understood the discussions framed around full transparency.  While nobody wants to invest in a black box, Elliott (and other funds) trade positions that could be harmed by public knowledge of their size, short-term direction or even their identity.”  Continue reading →

“Burn Rate”:  Financial Expression of the Day

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fire1153758-525x300

There’s only one burn rate that the i-banker cares about: his own.

“Burn rate,” noun phrase, the speed at which a company consumes cash.  Usage note:  Investment bankers, particularly those who advise money-losing internet companies, love this expression.  After having wrapped up a meeting with the “deal team” and instructed his minions to redo the entire 90-page pitchbook (with the client meeting slated for 9 AM the next morning), the i-banker might kick back in his corner office and enjoy a brief breeze-shooting session with the senior vice president on the project, who’s a great audience for the MD because the former will laugh at all the MD’s stupid jokes.  There the senior i-banker will sit, tasseled loafers up on the desk, quite possibly spinning his Mont Blanc pen around his thumb (many a banker prides himself on pen-spinning ability because he ludicrously thinks it adds some sort of jock street cred to his awkward and totally unathletic body language), while saying something like, “With a burn rate like that, they might not make it through the end of the year.  Have the analyst run the model again.”  There’s a good chance that the MD couldn’t run the model if his bonus depended on it, so he’ll keep his instructions very “big picture.” Continue reading →

Florida State Pulls Scholarship to Top Football Recruit Due to Consistently Good Behavior

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tire-axle

Jubal Johnson in the gym. His good behavior forced the Seminoles to cut ties with him.

Jubal Early Johnson, 17, is more than just a student at Dudley M. Du Bose High School, not far from the Appomattox Court House in Appomattox, Virginia.  A remarkably agile big man, the 6’5, 295-pound defensive tackle just might be the crown jewel of the 2015 college football recruiting class. The five-star prospect has received scholarship offers from major programs like Alabama, Oregon, TCU, Ohio State, Georgia, Virginia, Clemson, and Nebraska.  After much consideration, Johnson committed to Florida State University last month.  But yesterday, in a strange turn of events, Florida State’s Athletic Department announced that it has withdrawn its scholarship offer to Johnson because of a “troubling pattern of good behavior.”

Florida State football coach Jimbo Fisher told Bud Fox News:

“The final straw really came this weekend.  We learned that Jubal attended a keg party at a high school friend’s house.  The kid didn’t have a drop of alcohol.  He didn’t mistreat any of the girls attending the party.  He actually broke up a fight.  And get this, at the end of the night, he gave rides to all his friends who were too drunk to drive.  There’s no place for that kind of behavior at Florida State.  We have a reputation to maintain.” Continue reading →