NY Yankees Hire David Copperfield as New Hitting Coach

copperfield fire

Copperfield shown here using the “fire trick” to fool Mark Teixeira into doing the impossible- hitting to the opposite field.

TAMPA, Fl. — Thwack!  The sound of a solidly hit baseball reverberated in the area behind home plate at George Steinbrenner Field in Tampa.  Yankees general manager Brian Cashman smiled and excitedly said, “Look at that.  We’re already getting our money’s worth.  Mark Teixeira hitting the ball hard to the opposite field.  That’s magic.  I haven’t seen that in at least half a decade.”  Teixeira, hitting from the left-hand-side, appeared as shocked as Cashman at his hard hit liner over short.  Meanwhile, a black-clad David Copperfield, eyes closed, chanting in what sounded like an ancient foreign language while swinging an incense-containing thurible from a chain, slowly began to circle the oft-injured Yankee first baseman.  Teixeira, although visibly nervous, made clear to all that he’s willing to go along:  “You think he can cure my wrist, knee, oblique, hamstring and make the dizziness go away too?” Continue reading

Yankees Extend Mark Teixeira through 2030

Teixeira Rock of Ages

Teixeira, here in his Broadway debut in Rock of Ages, is laughing all the way to the bank.

The first thing that Yankees general manager Brian Cashman did after the team gave him a new three-year contract was to get down on his knees and thank God that the organization decided to reward recent mediocrity.  His second move, Bud Fox News learned this morning, was to sign Mark Teixeira to a contract extension through 2030, at which time the first baseman, who probably couldn’t hit to the opposite field off Mo’ne Davis, the 13-year-old girl from Philadelphia who starred in this summer’s Little League World Series, will be 50 years old. Continue reading