Clinton Foundation to Assume Control of FIFA

Posted on June 16, 2015 by Canada Bill Jones

To be held in 2018, the inaugural World Cup Beauty Pageant will be emceed by…Bill Clinton. (Photo: Powerlineblog.com)

It is a match made in corruption heaven: The laughably venal and hopelessly conflicted Clinton Foundation took a break today from soliciting bribes to announce that it will assume control of FIFA, one of the few international entities that might rival Bill and Hillary’s cash machine with respect to its complete and utter lack of shame.

This past weekend, in attempt to save the scandal-plagued governing body of international soccer, the United Nations (whose “Human Rights” Council includes the following freedom-loving Arcadias: Venezuela, United Arab Emirates, Saudi Arabia, Russia, Pakistan, Kuwait, Cuba and China) intervened in FIFA’s unraveling nightmare and made the appointment. The UN disclosed earlier today that the Clinton Foundation beat out a Colombian drug cartel in a close vote.

Quite naturally, Hillary Clinton was not available for comment on the announcement because ever since she was thoughtful enough to have saved the Obama administration time and taxpayer money by deleting all her innocuous State Department emails, she speaks only with press members who semi-secretly work for her campaign, a consideration that must be true because even the Huffington Post has acknowledged it.

On the other hand, Bill Clinton, who with each passing day becomes more a cross between the bullshit-spouting Foghorn Leghorn of cartoon fame and the bumbling and completely unethical Boss Hogg from The Dukes of Hazzard, couldn’t resist an opportunity to respond when asked for more detail by a bosom-heaving, mini-skirted reporter who looked more like a Vivid girl than a journalist. In the spirit of his middle-finger-brandishing “ha ha, catch me if you can” interview with Bloomberg News, the former president explained: Continue reading →

“Open Kimono”: Financial Expression of the Day

Posted on June 15, 2015 by Sir Jams Fishpaste

When you really need to know: “Open the Kimono” (photo: barbwire.com)

“Open Kimono” or “Open the Kimono”, verb phrase, to reveal tightly held information.

Usage Note: This sultry expression is one of the few financial phrases that is not over-used to the point of absurdity. It therefore carries a slight element of surprise when the big-time operator slings this verbalism from his word kit. The business and finance lot are often searching for an angle of advantage or edge (or just trying to not get screwed over) when it comes to their business dealings and transactions. Likewise, investors diligencing a potential opportunity desire deeply to know what the seller knows about the asset for sale. When dealing with counterparties in these settings, there are approved customs and norms that have been created so as to satisfy the “need to know”.

Continue reading →

From the Loony Bin: Angela and Barry Share a Moment, Etc…

Posted on June 11, 2015 by Canada Bill Jones

At the G7 summit meeting in Bavaria, German Chancellor Angela Merkel says to President Obama, “I knew I’d find you here. My God, man, what do you do all day?” (Photo: Michael Kappeler/AFP – Getty Images)

Bud’s Round-Up of Daily Drivel:

Tweet no more: Twitter CEO Costolo is done July 1. (NBC)
No worries, take your time…Obama: “We don’t yet have a complete strategy” against ISIS. (The Hill)
It was easier playing Cassandra: Meredith Whitney closes her hedge fund. (MarketWatch)
New Fox Head: Rupert Murdoch will step down as CEO of 21st Century Fox. (CNBC)
The dismantling of a retail icon: Eddie Lampert destroys Sears one quarter at a time, as same store sales (aka “comps”) drop 14.5%. (Fortune)
Home-owning 3-headed dog: Hedge fund Cerberus is now among the top ten owners of US homes. (Bloomberg)
Better red than losing money: Private equity nabob David Bonderman plans to attend Putin’s Economic Forum against White House wishes. (NY Post)
It should have gone bankrupt: GM could face wire fraud charges over ignition switch recall (we covered the recall here). (WSJ)
Ma’s gone senile: Alibaba founder Jack Ma, worth over $20 billion, says he was happier making $12 an hour. (South China Morning Post)
Bad Egg: A Costco egg farm is rotten. (NYT)
Vapor is rising: One in ten vape. (Time)
Bringing a bicycle to a stock car race: Obama to send 450 more troops to Iraq. (CNN)
Cut short: Blade runner/murderer Oscar Pistorius to be released after ten months. (Santa Fe New Mexican)
Who has the new jobs? Interesting reading. (ZeroHedge)

Separated at Birth: FIFA Scoundrel Chuck Blazer and UVa Professor R. Edward Freeman

Posted on June 4, 2015 by Canada Bill Jones

Was Chuck Blazer, shown here giving a thumbs up to corruption with FIFA President Sepp Blatter, leading a double life… (Photo: Frank May/European Pressphoto Agency)

University of Virginia Darden School of Business MBA Program

…as Professor R. Edward Freeman of UVa’s Darden School of Business? (Photo: http://www.darden.virginia.edu/)

Question: Has thoroughly unscrupulous former FIFA executive committee member/bribe-taker/wire-wearer Chuck Blazer been leading an ironic double life as the erudite R. Edward Freeman, Professor at UVa’s Darden School of Business, author of the definitive and award-winning Strategic Management: A Stakeholder Approach, and, of all things, Academic Director of the Business Roundtable Institute for Corporate Ethics?

Continue reading →

Chris Christie to Enter Nathan’s Annual July 4th Hot Dog Eating Contest

Posted on June 1, 2015 by Canada Bill Jones

This July 4th, Joey Chestnut will look to win a mind- and stomach-blowing 9th consecutive “Mustard Belt,” but… (Photo: Monika Graff/Getty Images)

…upstart Chris Christie can’t be taken lightly. (Photo: http://www.pennpoliticalreview.org)

He is known for having a big mouth. He appears to be suffering the consequences of an even bigger appetite. And in the face of personal all-time low approval ratings and his state’s nine credit rating downgrades, his presidential aspirations seem the biggest of pipe dreams. In what can only be viewed as a desperate bid for non-Bridgegate-related media attention while trying to stay relevant in the Republican presidential primary conversation, the New Jersey Governor, known back in his early teen years as “Chicken Bone” Christie for how quickly he could gnaw down a chicken bone to nothing more than a splinter, has announced that he will participate in the annual Nathan’s Hot Dog Eating Contest, held every July 4th on Coney Island, NY. Last year, Joey Chestnut, indisputably the Lebron James of the competitive eating circuit, ate 61 dogs in 10 minutes to win the Mustard Belt for the eighth consecutive year. If Christie or legitimate challenger Matt “Megatoad” Stonie, who played Mantle to Chestnut’s Maris last year by ingesting 56 dogs in a battle royal that competitive eating fans still haven’t stopped analyzing, can’t beat him this summer, then Chestnut will have collected a whopping nine Mustard Belts, a herculean achievement certainly comparable (or perhaps superior given the individual nature of Chestnut’s potential exploit) to the nine World Series rings Joe DiMaggio won with the New York Yankees.

Anthony Cacciatore, 47, of Bayonne, NJ, who recently attended a Republican fundraiser where he saw Christie in action, thinks the governor has a good shot at taking down Chestnut: Continue reading →

Obama Orders Coast Guard to Fight Climate Change with Ice Cube Drops

Posted on May 26, 2015 by Canada Bill Jones

Step gingerly, Mr. President, the ground beneath you is afire from “climate change.” (Photo: Kevin Lamarque/Reuters)

In the face of almost two decades of flat global temperatures, President Obama was smart enough to invoke “climate change” instead of “global warming” at his commencement speech at the Coast Guard Academy last week. But that’s where his cerebral activity came to a screeching halt. Yes, indeed, the man who exhibited the solipsism of a Kardashian when he told an infatuated electorate and media on election night 2008 that people would look back on his victory as the moment “when the rise of the oceans began to slow and our planet began to heal; this was the moment when we ended a war…,” told the cadets that climate change, yes- that’s right, would be one of their nastiest enemies:

And this brings me to the challenge I want to focus on today — one where our Coast Guardsmen are already on the front lines, and that, perhaps more than any other, will shape your entire careers — and that’s the urgent need to combat and adapt to climate change.

Continue reading →

In Honor of Memorial Day: Obama’s “Coffee Cup Salute”

Posted on May 25, 2015 by Canada Bill Jones

Bud Fox News wishes all our readers a happy Memorial Day. Here’s a bit of reading on the history of the holiday. As we remember those who have died in the service of our country, let’s also not forget our current Commander in Chief’s inimitable “Coffee Cup Salute.” If only all of us could stroll about so insouciantly, then ulcers, tension headaches, and high blood pressure would be obsolete. Sashaying away like the bizarre love child of a failed fashion model and Greek mythology’s Narcissus, the President has earned at least a cameo in Zoolander 2. But on a more serious note, it’s reasonable to ask how much longer we will even remember our slain heroes if we continue to elect leaders so clearly disdainful of our military.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5m_IUIJF9zQ

From the Loony Bin: The Race Gets More Interesting, Etc…

Posted on May 19, 2015 by Canada Bill Jones

“Martin, you’re starting to look better than my wife.” (AP Photo/Brennan Linsley, File)

Bud’s Round-Up of Daily Drivel:

Democrat Martin O’Malley: Bill Clinton once predicted he’d “go all the way.” (Philly.com)
Big mistake: Airbag defect now the largest auto recall of all time. (CNN)
Under Armour under pressure: Company pulls t-shirt designed in style of iconic Iwo Jima photo. (Marine Corps Times)
Carl Icahn likes Apple: Septuagenarian investor thinks the stock is worth $240. (USA Today)
“I ain’t sayin’ she a gold digger”: 91-year-old Sumner Redstone’s 43-year-old “girlfriend” visualizes her payday. (NY Post)
Not Econ 101: LA City Council votes to increase minimum wage to $15. (Bloomberg)
Liar, liar, pantsuit on fire: Hillary Clinton’s non-existent credibility takes hits over Benghazi and her second secret email address. (PowerLine and Breitbart)
Barack Obama and his Syrian red line: The revisionist history starts before his administration even ends. (PowerLine)
Desperately trying to stay relevant: Chris Christie flip-flops on immigration. (NJ.com)
The Sharpton apple doesn’t fall far from the tree: The Rev’s daughter sees her laughable lawsuit start to fall apart. (Free Beacon)
NFL PAT: The point-after just got more difficult. (Sporting News)

“Agnostic”: Bankerspeak Gone Wrong- Father O’Callahan vs The Portfolio Manager

Posted on May 14, 2015 by Canada Bill Jones

Bud Fox News has a mole at a large money management firm. More stealthy than your typical SAC analyst/insider-trader, he was able to film, in sub rosa fashion, his portfolio manager boss when he sat down with Father O’Callahan to review the local Catholic Church’s investment portfolio. In a moment of refreshing honesty, the PM confesses to the holy man that he hornswoggles most of his customers. The world-weary O’Callahan is unfazed by the PM’s avarice, patiently absolves him of his sins, and then teaches him a lesson about Satan’s return and the confusing nature of bankerspeak. Enjoy:

Hillary Clinton Declares Open Season on the Truth

Posted on May 7, 2015 by Canada Bill Jones

Warning: You are now entering the Clinton Zone, to protect yourself from flying bullshit, please put on your safety goggles. (Photo: Photo: Alex Wong/Getty Images)

In remarks Tuesday that proved convincingly that “The Truth” is not her middle name, Hillary Clinton sent a clear message to those who might try to deny her the Presidency: She will make up “facts” out of thin air to animate her stillborn message of predictable Clintonian nostrums that run 40 years past their sell-by date.

At a “round table” discussion at Rancho High School in Las Vegas, with her eyes rolling around like a slot machine of pure ambition and her neck craning back and forth like some sort of patronizing, political ostrich, Clinton, as charismatic as a cockroach and so unnatural a speaker (and probably so unsure of her point) that she kept referring to pages on the table in front of her despite her simplistic subject matter, sounded and looked like a schizophrenic mental patient who was tickled pink to be speaking English for the first time (see video below if you can stomach it). She unleashed the following canard while trying to convince the Elizabeth Warren faction of her party that she’s to the left of the world on immigration: