Buffett to Obama: “…and I want lifetime supplies of Coke and ice cream, a choo choo train, and a veto of the Keystone Pipeline.” (Photo: Huffington Post)

Last week, Fortune published an interview with Warren Buffett, the world’s third richest man (worth $73 billion), in which he revealed that he drinks at least five Cokes a day and tries to eat like a 6-year-old child.  Given the Omaha Oracle’s crackpot comments, it’s about time to consider a new theory for his years of successful investing: The guy is a complete idiot who’s riding the greatest dumb-luck investing streak of all-time. Here are some of the interview’s highlights:

“If I eat 2700 calories a day, a quarter of that is Coca-Cola. I drink at least five 12-ounce servings. I do it everyday.”

“I have three Cokes during the day and two at night.”

“I’ll have one at breakfast,” he explains, noting that he loves to drink Coke with potato sticks. What brand of potato sticks? “I have a can right here,” he says. “U-T-Z” 

“This morning, I had a bowl of chocolate chip ice cream.”

Asked to explain the high-sugar, high-salt diet that has somehow enabled him to remain seemingly healthy, Buffett replies: “I checked the actuarial tables, and the lowest death rate is among six-year-olds. So I decided to eat like a six-year-old.” The octogenarian adds, “It’s the safest course I can take.”

In addition to the prospect of dumb luck, the hick from Nebraska has also benefited from good old crony capitalism. President Obama is such good friends with the Chairman of Berkshire Hathaway that he named a failed tax proposal after him, ie, the “Buffett Rule,” which would have applied a minimum tax rate of 30% on individuals making more than a million dollars a year. Last week, the president paid his friend back for having been his redistributionist pitchman by vetoing the Keystone Pipeline, which benefits the kooky Coke-drinker because, in the absence of Keystone, Canadian crude oil will continue to be transported from Canada to the Texas refineries via the Burlington Northern Santa Fe Railroad (BNSF), owned by Berkshire Hathaway.

Of course, the beanie-with-propeller-on-top act might be a ruse.  For example, Buffett owns $16 billion worth of Coca-Cola stock.  But if he thinks that people are going to drink Coke just because he’s running around foisting his aw-shucks act on gullible journalists, then he might want to check the actuarial tables again and have some strained bananas like some toddler who thinks the world revolves around his crib. Either way, aside from his annual Berkshire letter (out this week), it would be nice if the press kept coverage of this creep to a minimum, unless they’d like to report on more of his hypocritical tax-avoidance schemes.