On November 19, Rolling Stone published “A Rape on Campus: A Brutal Assault and Struggle for Justice at UVA,” written, with all the objectivity of a brainwashed cult member, by the now incommunicado (no doubt on advice of counsel) Sabrina Rubin Erdely. The centerpiece of the article was the alleged fraternity gang rape of a first-year student named Jackie. Although Erdely’s not-fit-for-journalism-junior-college handiwork had doubters from the beginning, on November 22, University of Virginia President Theresa Sullivan, in a decision that would please the late Earl Warren (and his Commission) for its hastiness and liberals everywhere for its political correctness, suspended all social activity for Greek organizations until January 9. Sullivan’s edict started to look a bit hasty when Rolling Stone, on December 5, posted a quasi retraction regarding Erdeley’s word-turd, in which the magazine pusillanimously blamed Jackie the putative victim instead of the author’s apparent unwillingness to do even a Nancy Drew level of investigative work (no more was needed to see that the story was largely, if not entirely, apocryphal). By December 22, the article was so discredited that Rolling Stone announced that it had asked the Columbia Journalism School to investigate how the magazine had botched this one so egregiously.
Author Archives: Canada Bill Jones
From the Loony Bin
Bud’s Round-up of Daily Drivel:
- Obama will somehow take credit (“Let me be clear…”): 2014 US budget deficit smallest since 2007.
- NY Jets show their insanity by doing same thing over and over: Cardinals’ defensive coordinator named new head coach.
- Is this an oxymoron? Gluten-free pizza from Pizza Hut (ticker YUM).
- If you have the audacity to downgrade the US credit rating, payback is a… well…about $1 billion. S&P (ticker MHFI) is close to a settlement over its real-estate-bond ratings.
- Record 34 million watch national championship game.
- MetLife (ticker MET) is fighting regulators’ too-big-too-fail designation.
- Would you hire this man? Unemployed (and perhaps mentally unstable) lawyer plans to attend every Knick game this season.
- Insufficient pig playtime: Chipotle (ticker CMG) stops pork sales at a third of US locations.
- Internet drug dealers’ currency bitcoin drops 32% in two days.
Florida State University Campus Police to Throw “Farewell Jameis” Party
Campus police at Florida State University were so overjoyed to learn that controversial quarterback Jameis Winston will not be returning for his junior year that they will throw him a farewell party on March 15. Said Officer Justin Case, “It’s gonna be such a load off our backs. It’s been nonstop since the suspect…I mean…this young man got to Tallahassee. He is a one-man police blotter.”
According to sources within the campus police department, the party will have everything attendees would naturally expect from a celebration held in Winston’s honor: The evenings’s entertainment will include:
- Pellet-gun squirrel-shooting contest
- BB-gun cops & robbers competition
- Pin-the-tail-on-the-sexual-assault-investigator
- Soda fountain 50 yard dash
- Crab grab & carry
- Multiple Tourette syndrome-like outbursts from the guest of honor
- Moaning undergraduate women
From the Loony Bin

Or was he just out drinking all night? Ex-Miami Dolphin Rob Konrad at press conference discussing his 16-hour swim for survival.
Bud’s Round-up of Daily Drivel
- With circulation under 100,000, Charlie Hebdo will print 3 million of its next issue (featuring a Muhammad cover).
- The NBA’s highest payroll and a 16-22 record won’t prevent the Nets from selling for a premium price.
- Brad Pitt, Christian Bale, and Ryan Gosling to star in film version of Michael Lewis’s The Big Short.
- Not exactly targeting the teen and young adult market: Woody Allen to make half-hour series for Amazon (ticker AMZN).
- Ex-Miami Dolphin Rob Konrad resurfaces with tale of 16-hour survival swim.
- US Dept. of Health and Human Services flies first class to the tune of 31 million taxpayer dollars.
“Agnostic”: Financial Expression of the Day
Agnostic, adjective, having no bias with respect to position in the capital structure. Usage note: Merriam-Webster defines an agnostic (noun) as “a person who holds the view that any ultimate reality (as God) is unknown and probably unknowable; broadly : one who is not committed to believing in either the existence or the nonexistence of God or a god.” However, when a hedgie (an execrable moniker for “hedge fund professional”) uses the term, there’s scant chance that he’s discussing matters theological because he typically worships one thing …the almightly dollar. Moreover, despite how glamorous he allows his friends to think hedge fund life is (all the while keeping silent on the due diligence trips to places like Detroit to “kick the tires” on the sexiest of distressed auto parts suppliers), our hedge fund man simply doesn’t have time to finalize his thinking on the existence of God (or a god). When he’s not updating one of his many 20-tab Excel financial models, he’s making frantic calls to headhunters while his portfolio manager boss, a graduate of the “what have you done for me lately” school of management, continues to humiliate him in front of the entire firm over his last two consecutive dogshit stock recommendations. Continue reading
Inspired by Britney Spears, Ezekiel Elliott leads Ohio State to National Championship
From the Loony Bin
Bud’s Round-up of Daily Drivel…
- Hey, General, don’t post any selfies right now: ISIS sympathizers take control of Twitter and YouTube accounts of US military’s Central Command.
- Where’s Barry? Team Obama pulls no-show at Paris unity march.
- 41 pounds of weed found in SUV bought at Tulsa police auction.
- Don’t worry about the meter: NYPD slowdown has cost city $46mm in parking ticket revenue to date.
- Kobe Bryant: European players are better.
- Saudi Arabian blogger gets 10 years and a fine for insulting Islam…oh, and 1,000 lashes.
- How Meredith Whitney’s hedge fund tripped out of the starting gate.
From the Loony Bin
A few days’s worth of Daily Drivel…
- Is it a fraternity if it can’t throw a keg party? A pyrrhic victory for fraternities at the University of Virginia.
- Were you duped into buying Kirin Ichiban beer because you thought it was from Japan? Well, a judge says you deserve a refund.
- Knock out pitch: New York Yankees’ former first-round pick knocked unconscious during argument.
- Tallahassee Police Department breathes collective sigh of relief: Jameis Winston leaving town for NFL.
- Dick’s Sporting Goods (ticker DKS) just might gather up all its toys and go…private.
- And Campbell Soup (ticker CPB) might follow Dick’s lead.
- Bill Cosby makes a joke about date rape drugs during show in Canada.
- One hand washes the other: Mueller probe says NFL didn’t see Ray Rice video.
- Not again: Hillary is mad at Bill.
- Free stuff: Obama proposes free community college.
- Ironic: Cheating rampant in Dartmouth ethics class.
- Harry Reid had a tough New Year’s.
- Will he or won’t he? Romney says he’s on the fence.
From the Loony Bin
Bud’s Round-up of Daily Drivel…
- Down again: S&P 500 now down 4.2% since hitting all-time high on December 29.
- Chris Christie unveils three-way Cowboy bro hug.
- Clemens and Bonds strike out again at the Baseball Hall of Fame.
- Things turning sour for CEO of Greek yogurt maker Chobani.
- How very Old Economy: Facebook’s CEO recommends, of all things, a book.
- Goldman Sachs analyst says JPMorgan Chase worth more if broken up.
- It was meant for the little people, not us: Harvard faculty outraged over higher health care costs.















