“NCAA”: Financial Expression of the Day

Broke

If you’re the portfolio manager who’s invested in a NCAA bond, call a headhunter. (Photo: pixgood.com)

NCAA,” adjective, an acronym for “no coupon at all.” Usage note: When one considers that Wall Street is full of people with fancy educations, it’s disheartening that most finance lingo is so dreadful; one expects more from all those Ivy League degrees. Yet one must give credit where it’s do and admit that finance blowhards really caught lightening in a bottle when they coined “NCAA”; it’s an an exquisite piece of lingo. Continue reading

From the Loony Bin: 295K More Jobs in February, Etc…

Boeheim

Mark Twain’s got nothing on Syracuse’s Jim Boeheim: Don’t let schooling interfere with your basketball. (Photo: AP, philly.com)

Bud’s Round-up of Daily Drivel:

  • Here we go again: Treasury Secretary Lew says US to hit debt limit on March 16.  (NBC)
  • Apple juices Dow: iPhone maker replaces AT&T in Dow Jones Industrial Average.  (USA Today)
  • Jobs report surprises to “upside”: US non-farm payrolls rise 295K in February; unemployment rate falls to 5.5%.  (Reuters)
  • The age-old question: Up 3 with time running out, do you foul?  (Deadspin)
  • Syracuse Orange gets bruised: NCAA suspends basketball coach for 9 games, cuts 12 scholarships, vacates 108 wins.  (ESPN)
  • Not again: Harrison Ford makes his 2nd crash landing.  (NBC)

From the Loony Bin: NCAA Bond Issue, Etc…

Baylor U

At six feet seven inches and 410 pounds, Baylor University’s LaQuan McGowan will always be open at tight end. (photo: twitter.com)

Bud’s Round-up of Daily Drivel:

  • No-coupon-at-all, aka “NCAA”: American Eagle Energy fails to make first interest payment on new bond issue.  (Bloomberg)
  • From the Shark Tank: Mark Cuban on the current tech bubble.  (blogmaverick)
  • Limbo up, Lumber down: The 25-year-old behind Lumber Liquidators’ 50% stock drop.  (Yahoo)
  • That took long enough: Nobel Prize Chairman who awarded Obama is demoted.  (ABC)
  • Tax dollars go right down the toilet: King County, WA will pay a “Comfort Station Coordinator” $90K to map out restrooms for bus drivers.  (US News & World Report)
  • Big target: Baylor University to move 6-foot-7, 410-pound lineman to tight end.  (ESPN)

From the Loony Bin: Martin O’Malley’s Lucky Week, Etc…

Martin O'Malley

Former Maryland Governor Martin O’Malley (smiling over his dumb luck) or anyone without an arrest record is looking like a better primary bet than Hillary Clinton. (Photo: governing.com)

From the Loony Bin:

  • Competition for Clinton? Martin O’Malley, former Maryland Governor, weighs White House run.  (Yahoo)
  • Hill Grill: Clinton’s private emails to be subpoenaed by congressional committee.  (NY Post)
  • It’s starting: Liberal journalist pens “Maybe Hillary Clinton Should Retire…” article.  (National Journal)
  • Say no to drugs: McDonalds’s to phase out human antibiotics in its chickens.  (CNBC)
  • Petraeus betrayed us: Retired 4-star general and leader of Iraqi surge David Petraeus pleads guilty to passing highly classified info to mistress.  (NYT)
  • Rat’s return: NSA leaker Edward Snowden is looking to come home.  (MSN)
  • Jurist Sphinx: Chief Justice Roberts mainly silent during 2d Obamacare challenge.  (National Journal)
  • Schools out: NYC public schools to close for two Muslim holidays, Eid al-Fitr and Eid al-Adha.  (CBS)
  • Cuba Libre: Conan O’Brien goes to Cuba.  (Billboard)
  • Harbaugh help: New U Michigan coach and staffer help car crash victim. (Detroit Free Press)

Hillary Clinton’s State Dept Emails Found along with Nixon’s Missing White House Tape

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The 18.5 minutes missing from Nixon’s White House tapes have been found…  (Photo: Library of Congress)

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…along with Hillary Clinton’s State Department emails. (Photo: inquisitr.com)

For over 40 years, presidential scholars and conspiracy buffs have wondered about the 18.5 minutes missing from Richard Nixon’s White House audiotapes. And for over 2 days, anyone not already exhausted by the never-ending litany of Clintonian scandals has wondered about Hillary Clinton’s missing State Department email account. In an amazing discovery, both have been found by noted presidential scholar Charles Faux-Pas Bidet, Professor of History at Staten Island’s Dyke College and author of Clinton: Statesman or Swinger? Professor Faux-Pas Bidet told Bud Fox News: Continue reading

Warren Buffett: Longest Dumb-Luck Investing Streak of All-Time

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Buffett to Obama: “…and I want lifetime supplies of Coke and ice cream, a choo choo train, and a veto of the Keystone Pipeline.” (Photo: Huffington Post)

Last week, Fortune published an interview with Warren Buffett, the world’s third richest man (worth $73 billion), in which he revealed that he drinks at least five Cokes a day and tries to eat like a 6-year-old child.  Given the Omaha Oracle’s crackpot comments, it’s about time to consider a new theory for his years of successful investing: The guy is a complete idiot who’s riding the greatest dumb-luck investing streak of all-time. Here are some of the interview’s highlights: Continue reading

From the Loony Bin: Hillary Off the Grid, Etc…

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Hillary checking her email for Clinton Foundation donations from foreign dictators. (Photo: The Smoking Gun)

Bud’s Round-up of Daily Drivel:

  • Apple outsmarts Samsung: Sells more smartphones in 4Q, 74.8mm vs. 73mm.  (macrumors.com)
  • The rules are for little people: Romanian hacker reveals Hillary used private email while Secretary of State.  (The Smoking Gun)
  • Hillary’s excuse? Dogs don’t remember yesterday.  (Psychology Today)
  • Supreme court case: Highest US court to hear its 2nd Obamacare case.  (NBC)
  • So much for the 2014 election: House of Reps to vote on clean Homeland Security funding bill.  (Wash Post)
  • Bibi in the House: From the US House floor, Israeli PM warns against Iranian nuclear deal.  (Reuters)
  • The B-list: Forbes’ 2015 billionaires list.  (Forbes)
  • Backing away from Tiger: Golfer recants claim that Woods is serving drug suspension.  (USA Today)

“Story”: Financial Expression of the Day

Mary-Grace-reads-stories

Financial storytellers captivate their audience with tall tales of success. (Photo: Library of Congress)

“Story”, noun, a narrative of incidents or events.

Usage Note: More than simply a tale of history, in High Finance a story can be either backward- or forward- looking and is often used to justify an action taken or that should be taken; an investment, a trade, or a sales pitch looking for a buyer.  It becomes a construct used to convince one’s self and others that a decision being made will not result in the loss of money.

Every corner of finance has it’s own story it likes to hear.  The amazing thing is, the desired story for any given subculture is so predictably similar, that after a while it doesn’t take much intelligent or creative thought to deliver the story people want to hear.  The same six or eight bullet points (surrounded by flatulent big-talk and fancy words) will usually satisfy the requirements of the supposedly discerning audience.   Continue reading

President Obama’s Shadow Work Permit System Sees the Ugly Light of Day

ObamaSiSuePuedePhotoPin

“Sí se puede,” that’s Spanish for “Here’s your work permit.”

Work permits are officially known as EADs, “Employment Authorization Documents.” The table below is featured in a report issued this week by the Center for Immigration Studies (“CIS”), which, I’ll admit, is an anti-amnesty group. CIS says its report is based on information that it obtained from the US Citizenship and Immigration Services (“USCIS”) using a Freedom of Information Act (“FOIA”) request. Although CIS has an ideological ax to grind on this issue, so does virtually every politician who opines on it, so let’s assume for the sake of argument that the numbers below are accurate and worth some consideration. If the data were bogus, pro-immigration groups, who passionately take the other side of this debate, would probably be able to prove it easily with their own FOIA request.

Supposedly, the law allows for 1.1 million new legal immigrants and 700,000 guest workers each year (for a sense of scale, there were 3.9 million births in the US in 2013). CIS claims that for the period 2009-2014 the Obama administration has given out 7.4 million work permits beyond the congressionally mandated amount (see figure at bottom right of the table). This certainly seems odd, and several of the table’s individual line items certainly don’t provide much reassurance. The first section of the table, “Temporary Categories,” has a sub-total of 2.1 million distributed work permits. According to CIS, 1.4 million of those temporary visitors fall into categories where their employment in the US is prohibited by law. For example, “Tourists” and “Foreign Students” got 547K and 593K of the work permits, respectively. 213K more went to family of both students and guest workers (the largest line item among them is “Family of Temporary Workers” at 140K). It seems reasonable to ask: Why are these people getting work permits? If enough people feel there’s a legitimate reason, they should try to change the law; until they’re able, it’s unclear why the current law should be ignored.  Continue reading

Federal Dietary Panel: We Have No Idea What Foods Are Good for You

Doughnut burger

This doughnut burger might extend your life. (Photo: David Kover/aht.seriouseats.com)

Dr. Zoltan Ovary is a member of the Dietary Guidelines Advisory Committee, which meets every five years to produce the Scientific Report of the Dietary Guidelines Advisory Committee. Tallying a nonsensical 571 pages (the word Mediterranean appears 196 times), the 2015 version was published last week and will be used as a reference by the Department of Health and Human Services and the Department of Agriculture, which publish Dietary Guidelines for Americans every five years. When Dr. Ovary agreed to be interviewed by Bud Fox News‘ Silence Bellows, he suggested they meet at a rather strange place. When he sensed her skepticism, he explained to her:

“I don’t mean any funny business. McDonald’s is my favorite restaurant. And for all we know at the committee, their food is good for you!”

So the two had lunch at a fast-food restaurant that for years has drawn the ire of public health officials and nanny-staters everywhere. For the record, the strapping Dr. Ovary, who looked like a collegiate running back despite his 40 years, had a Bacon Clubhouse Burger, small fries, and a small Coke, topping it off with a McFlurry with M&Ms, a perfectly reasonable meal that, according to McDonald’s handy Meal Builder calculator, delivered the following: Continue reading