Supreme Court Performs Remake of “Weekend at Bernie’s”

ginsburg

From left to right, Justices Kennedy, a supposed Ginsburg, and Breyer reenacting a scene from “Weekend at Bernie’s.”  (Photo: freerepublic.com)

A fairly well kept secret, the US Supreme Court Follies are a great tradition. At a private dinner at the beginning of each year, the active justices poke fun at themselves and present a series of skits for the entertainment of retired judges, clerks, administrative staff, and friends. Unfortunately not much is known about the event because everyone involved takes an oath of omertà seriously enough to make a mafia boss weep with pride. The oath of silence makes sense: The Supremes’ juridical gravitas would be shot to hell if they were ever caught looking like ex-NYC mayor Rudy Giuliani when he dressed in drag and kissed Donald Trump.

This year, for the first time, one skit was so funny that the judges decided to reenact it for the entire nation at President Obama’s State of the Union Address on January 20. The press had a field day misinterpreting what happened that night, with major news sources incorrectly reporting that Justice Ruth Bader Ginsburg, having had too much wine at dinner, fell fast asleep during Obama’s recited dog’s breakfast of liberal proposals 40 years past their sell-by date.

That’s not what really happened. A source attached to the court has told Bud Fox News the real story: Continue reading

Vice President Biden Comes Out of Closet, Doesn’t Realize It

Biden

Biden: Out of the closet in Iowa?!

Vice President Joe Biden hasn’t given a speech of any significance in a long time, if ever.  But Thursday he delivered one that still has the nation reeling.  Addressing a group of Iowans who were either paid to attend or were prison trustees given no choice in the matter, Biden, who’s been married to his wife Jill for 37 years, wondered aloud:

“Neal Smith,” Biden said, “an old butt buddy. Are you here, Neal? Neal, I miss you man. I miss you.”

Biden’s fondness for Amtrak is well known, but his affection for the 94-year-old Neal Smith, who  represented Iowa in Congress from 1959 to 1995, seems to be on an entirely different level.  A family member who asked not to be identified but seemed to share Biden’s gift of gobbledygook gab told Bud Fox News: Continue reading

From the Loony Bin: Obama’s Selfie Stick, Etc…

obama5

Obama: I’ve got two years left, and I’m going to enjoy them.

Bud’s Round-up of Daily Drivel:

  • Mugging for the camera:  Our President speaks softly but carries a selfie stick (Buzzfeed)
  • Joe Biden and his “butt buddy”:  The VP says a strange hello to an old friend in Iowa.  (Weekly Standard)
  • Hedgie enhanced interrogation techniques:  Pershing Square’s Bill Ackman interviews Bridgewater’s Ray Dalio.  (NYT)
  • Consumer downer:  Sentiment falls in February from 11-year high.  (Reuters)
  • Brian Williams strikes again:  Another possible tall tale.  (Breitbart)
  • Extreme hand-checking?  Dwight Howard demonstrates a new version.  (wwtdd.com)
  • Bradley is now Chelsea:  Military approves sex-change hormone therapy for Wikileaks traitor Manning.  (USA Today)

From the Loony Bin: Happy Birthday, Lincoln, Etc…

abraham-lincoln

The 16th President of the United States, who supposedly preferred being called by his last name, was born on February 12, 1809.

Bud’s Round-up of Daily Drivel:

  • Forceless:  Obama’s proposed anti-ISIS authorization for the use of force prohibits ground troops.  (NRO)
  • Guilty until proven innocent:  IRS says it’s sorry for seizing small business bank accounts.  (NY Times)
  • Power failure:  Electric car-maker Tesla’s 4Q performance is below expectations.  (IBD)
  • Bad gas:  US retail sales fall 0.8% in January on 9.3% drop in gas station sales.  (IBD)
  • Did he fail Econ 201?  Obama attacks Staples over healthcare.  (Reuters)
  • Backing out:  Tiger Woods is taking a golf leave of absence over lousy back, lousy play.  (Sports Illustrated)
  • Revealing:  Sports Illustrated stirs up controversy with its swimsuit edition cover.  (localsyr.com)

Itinerary Leaked for Brian Williams’ 6-month Fabulist Vacation

The-hunger-games--district-12-logo-on-fire

Brian Williams might visit District 12 during his Fabulist Vacation. (Photo: Lions Gate Films)

A source at NBC has told Bud Fox News that Brian Williams’ six-month suspension will allow him to work on a project that he’s been pitching to the network for several months. Said the source:

When he first pitched this project, we all thought he was joking, but he was dead serious. The guy is truly ready for the funny farm. 

Meant to be a TV travelogue, Williams’ project will show him visiting a number of well known spots and conducting interviews with the locals. According to the source, people knew Williams was a straight-jacket candidate when he spoke about the destinations he had in mind. The source provided Bud Fox News a list of Williams’ proposed destinations. They include the following: Continue reading

From the Loony Bin: Brian Williams to Embark on Fabulist Vacation, Etc…

brian-williams  A

Brian Williams: Daydreaming of a fabulist vacation?

Bud’s Round-up of Daily Drivel:

  • The Big Apple:  Apple first US company to manage $700 billion market cap, 2x Google, 8x McDonald’s, 12x GM.  (WSJ)
  • Goldman Sachs CEO to banks:  Stop whining about regulations.  (NY Post)
  • Be careful while looking for love:  More than 60% of dating apps vulnerable to hacking.  (Intl Business Times)
  • What a twit:  Twitter CFO’s account hacked.  (engadget.com)
  • Who believed him anyway?  Obama never opposed gay marriage.  (Time)
  • Coincidence?  Brian Williams suspended; Jon Stewart to leave Daily Show.  (NY Times and USA Today)
  • Not for the little people:  Tickets to today’s Jeb Bush fundraiser are $100K each.  (Politico)
  • Holocaust chic:  In a typically moronic move, Urban Outfitters sells tapestry that looks like a Holocaust uniform.  (Yahoo)
  • Put that trophy down:  Little League Baseball strips Chicago team of US championship.  (ESPN)
  • Obituary:  Hall of Fame coach Jerry Tarkanian, 84, dies. (ESPN)
  • Good thing he clarified:  Ohio State qb Cardale Jones offers more details on crushing hospital kids in video games.  (Deadspin)
  • Shoe trade:  Man pawns 283 pairs of Nike Air Jordans to buy apartment.  (CNN)
  • American ISIS captive Kayla Jean Mueller is dead.  (NBC)

It’s a Ron-off: Ron Burgundy, Ron Jeremy Top Candidates to Replace Brian Williams

ron burgundy

Fake anchorman Ron Burgundy…

Ron Jeremy_3

…and adult film “actor” Ron “The Hedgehog” Jeremy are the leading candidates for anchorman Brian Williams’ job. (Photo: Getty Images North America)

A source at NBC has told Bud Fox News that porn star Ron “The Hedgehog” Jeremy, patron saint of raincoaters everywhere, and Ron Burgundy, protagonist of the movies Anchorman and Anchorman 2, have emerged as the top two candidates to replace disgraced NBC Nightly News anchor Brian Williams. Said the source:

It’s true. NBC management thinks that both Rons have a lot in common with Brian. Take Ron Jeremy. To many people, the guy lives some sort of fantasy life.  And so does Brian. As far as Ron Burgundy, well, he’s a made-up character who reports made-up news.  So is Brian, when you think about it. If I had to handicap this one, I think Jeremy is the front-runner. If he’s not contractually committed to filming “Nude World Order II” next month, then I think the job is his.

Tracked down on the set of his latest film, Gluteus to the Maximus Part IV, Jeremy was excited: Continue reading

From the Loony Bin: Knicks’ Owner Shows Signs of Mental Illness, Etc…

hillary-clinton-unflattering-photo-cheering

Get pumped: Baseball’s spring training starts next week.

Bud’s Round-up of Daily Drivel:

  • Idiot son:  New York Knicks’ owner James Dolan, offspring of Cablevision founder Charles Dolan, tells disgruntled fan, “…mean while (sic) start rooting. (sic) for the Nets…”  (NY Daily News)
  • Rope-a-dope:  Rope used in Saddam Hussein’s execution up for auction.  (Washington Times)
  • Shack attack:  Analyst initiates on Shake Shake with price target half of current level.  (IBD)
  • Be sure to read the fine print: Seasonal adjustments helped the January jobs number.  (NY Post)
  • Bruce Gender:  1976 decathlon winner admits he’s taking hormones as part of gender shift.  (Page Six)
  • Swiss Leak:  Details emerge, including names (Christian Slater?), on global bank HSBC’s multibillion-dollar money laundering/tax-evading operation.  (Zero Hedge)
  • Alabama makes 37:  Supreme Court decision makes Alabama the 37th state to allow gay marriage.  (Bloomberg)
  • Word ban:  U Michigan’s Inclusive Language Campaign banishes words like “crazy” and “insane.”  (The College Fix)
  • Not “Lovin’ It”:  McDonald’s sales in Asian markets drop 12.6%.  (Fortune)

From the Loony Bin: Comcast Strikes Again, Etc…

comcast-super-bitch-640x356

Did Comcast fondly rename a customer “Super B—– Bauer”?

Bud’s Round-up of Daily Drivel:

  • New identity:  Comcast customer disservice may have given her a name change.  (CNN)
  • The other side speaks:  FCC Commissioner blasts FCC Chairman’s net neutrality proposal.  (Daily Caller)
  • I have (and am) a pain in the arse:  Saying, “My glutes are shutting off,” Tiger Woods withdraws from Farmers Insurance Open.  (sbnation.com)
  • The Lockjaw speaks:  Tom Brokaw wants Brian Williams canned.  (NY Post)
  • The high horse is no doubt reserved for the President:  Spouting moral equivalencies at a breakneck pace, Obama gives the worst speech of his presidency.  (whitehouse.gov)
  • Jobs “surprise to the upside”:  Employers add 257K positions in January, while December and November figures are revised upward.  (USA Today)
  • Pulling the plug:  Radio Shack goes belly up.  (Fortune)

Who said it? Brian Williams or Ron Burgundy?

anchorman30f-1-web

Both of these men…

Brian Williams 3

…drink Scotchy Scotch Scotch.

  1. “I immediately regret this decision.”
  2. “You are only as good as the coach thinks you are.”
  3. “Spectators are getting baked in the sun, not the good kind.”
  4. “More toward the holy crap.”
  5. “We’re over Indian country.”
  6. “This is unpoliced, virgin territory.”
  7. “You are a smelly pirate hooker. Why don’t you go back to your home on Whore Island?”

Continue reading