Like El Jefe, many investment bankers go long watches of the flashy variety.

“To be long,” verb phrase, used to describe the position of an investor who owns an asset, like a stock or a bond, with the expectation that the asset will increase in value; the opposite of “to be short.”  Because this is a trading floor term and many investment bankers and analysts desperately want to be traders (the latter have better hours and no real requirement to act in a professional manner; if anything crude behavior is encouraged), the i-bankers and number-crunchers twist themselves into knots using this expression in all kinds of half-witted ways (to be fair, those on the trading floors do the same).  Continue reading →

Don’t fall asleep at the wheel while formatting the 34th draft of the client presentation.

“To fall asleep at the wheel,” verb phrase, to fail to do one’s duty; to make a significant mistake.  Usage note:  Slingers of finance lingo recognize that this expression has the same definition as “to drop the ball.”  They prefer the latter though and use it more often because Wall Streeters, some of whom are former athletes but more of whom are jock wannabes, love that good locker room banter (especially in the cases of investment bankers and analysts because it makes them feel like the more rough and tumble traders, of whom they are usually terrified).  Continue reading →

Lack of sleep should never get in the way of completing actionable items.

“Actionable item,” noun phrase, a specific piece of work assigned to a person. Usage note: When an investment banking vice president breezily calls an associate or analyst (both rank below the VP in the pecking order) into his office to talk about a new assignment, the VP will assign a number of actionable items to his lackey at the end of what will inevitably be a one-way discussion. It should be noted that the VP invariably calls the junior banker to his (the VP’s) office; there are almost no circumstances imaginable in which the VP would deign to get up from his desk and walk to the associate’s crappy three-man, internal closet-masquerading-as-an-office or the analyst’s ramshackle cube. Continue reading →

Will it confuse the client? Then make it more accessible to the reader.

“More accessible to the reader,” adjective phrase, capable of being understood; comprehensible.  Usage note:  After an analyst or associate has taken a first crack at a presentation to a client, a vice president will usually sit down with the minion and review a printed copy of the document.  It should be noted that a typical VP, in particular if he’s achieved that title by surviving a stint as an associate, considers himself a genius, god’s gift to corporate finance. Continue reading →